Written By: Mohammed Gassim al-Radoom
Article Date: Mar 10, 2007 - 2:07:00 PM
It is known the family is the basic component of any society. So whenever the family is healthy and cohesive, that will create a sense of communal well-being. This can’t be achieved without the gathered efforts of all family members and their full cooperation so as to complete the process of a complicated life full of many ramifications and hardships, in order to that the family well-being is the cornerstone for the whole society and its safety.
Family disintegration is a fatal disease faced by many human societies nowadays, of which the decomposition of the entire community structure causing severe consequences is the result. Therefore, we have to know all about the reasons behind the problem and the impacts in order to subject it to fruitful study in order to find suitable and permanent solutions to eschew its worst outcomes.
This problem in Yemen is attributed to the different reasons we mention here: - Marriage is the primitive block for shaping a family, so in it there should be similarity in tempers, sentimental correspondence, mutual and exchanged love, satisfaction, and harmony between the spouses. Inevitably, the absence of the above mentioned constitutes the foremost reason for the occurrence of disputes that lead to divorce, which entails the breakup of the family’s sacred edifice, and consequently, dispersion of family members.
- Lack of organization of rights and duties and absence of mutual respect between the family partners causes a life with disorders and disrespect of other’s rights. This is the main cause of family rifts and disintegration. Avoiding such reflections necessitates the setting of specific order to regularize relationships between them in accordance with prevalent norms and values.
- Non-commitment of parents to the legitimate rights of their children, for instance, when the father compel his daughter to marry someone she doesn’t love.
- One or both partners’ choice based on specific benefits instead of real passion or love, such as wealth or lineage, so such relationship vanishes as soon as benefits have elapsed, and their being together would be of no sense.
- The mother neglecting her maternal duties as a mother by engaging herself in things unrelated to the enhancement of the family links, such as going out to pay visits to her friends and spending too much time away from that specified for familial rest time.
- The mother full dependence on housemaids in running the domestic affairs and chores, including the care for the husband as well as the children. This eventually serves as a main factor for weakening the interrelationships of the household members.
- Continuous absence of the father from home and family on the pretext of permanent work, travel, or engaging in chewing qat in the leisure time of the afternoon. Thereby, he has no space of time to inspect his children’s needs, address their psychological and social problems, for taking part to find out solutions for such problems in his capacity as a family guardian, or for taking them for shared leisure activities to rid them temporarily of life’s daily routines.
- The husband’s inability to carry on the family financial responsibilities to provide for their demands and needs, sometimes squandering his money by spending it on his friends outside his home, unnecessarily.
- When suspicion of one of the parties about the other party’s chastity and honor enters the matrimonial life, this works as a major pickax for its destruction. Likewise, existence of mutual trust constitutes a main factor for keeping it sustainable.
- Some husbands divorce their wives for trivial reasons; in such a case, the family disintegration is inevitable. - When the age gap between partners is too big, this results in misunderstanding between them. Particularly, when the father is too old to follow up and look after his children properly. This brings bad effects on the children.
- Special channels morally affect families by airing poisonous programs that go against our culture and religion. This strange culture may encourage and incite divorce.
- The husband’s financial and economic status, when he is incapable to provide his family with the basic needs for daily survival, drives the family members into immoral depravation and crooked actions. So, the economic factor is an essential pillar for stability, and poverty can cause disintegration. From the above mentioned, it is clear to us that family disintegration has its negative effects on all member of the household, particularly children, as well as the society. In the following we mention some of the impacts:
- Family disintegration constitutes a negative phenomenon in the society. When both of the parties refrain from the marital sex as a sacred duty, it brings forth a lack of sexual gratification, which could cast its psychological consequences on both partners.
- Violence may generate from one of the partners toward the other, the husband against his wife or vice versa, which can be met with counter violence.
- Frequency of unnecessary divorce cases for weak and flimsy reasons reflects weakness of the conjugal relationship.
- Children can be harmed in the post-divorce period by their parents, as each party tries to draw them to his side and against the other party; the mother deprives the father from seeing his children, and in return the father reacts by trying to take away custody from the mother by court or any other means. Then the children will have emotional difficulties and instability, and dissatisfaction as well. All of this affects the children negatively in their future familial life when they get married, and can’t form healthy families.
- It causes children to lag behind and fail in their studies, because of psychological strain and distress. - It creates a feeling of antagonism and hatred between all the family members, the father, mother, and children will be divided into supporters of one party against the other and vice versa, making them more inclined to aggressive behavior.
- Children may fall in into criminals’ hands and become delinquents, and be engaged in committing crimes and felonies, for instance selling drugs, and all manner of thievery. It is well proved that the children who live in such an atmosphere are involved in more crimes; when the children are fully deprived from their parental compassion and kindness, under the roof of a safe household, away from aggression and the inclination to evil deeds, and violence. They will be the major cause of crimes and conflict within their community. Below are the things that keep the family strong and sustainable, and prevent it from being washed away with the deadly current:
- Existence of mutual respect is a must as each party respects the other’s personality and privacy. It is recommended for each party not to resort to tongue-lashing when mistakes are made, or forcibly imposing his opinion on the other, or speaking to outsiders about his partner’s defects and faults. Family secrets should be kept, and the partner’s faults should passed over, unless they are able to seriously harm the family’s honor and connection and solidarity. Consultation must prevail in making critical decisions concerning the one or the whole of its members.
- Feelings of trust and strong belief in the real affiliation to the family entity, because marriage is not just a formal link granted by the marriage contract as a lawful sexual relationship, but also it is a life mission with mutual rights and duties.
- Cooperation between family members is considered one of the basic attributes of a comfortable life and is necessary to preserve the family safely into the future. We see negative scenes in some families, such as one of the family partners standing in the way of success of his patner, hindering his process by putting up obstacles and hindrances. This behavior does not serve the interest of the family.
- A kind of friendship should prevail; friendship means real love and being truthful in your dealings with those around you. Friendship includes all the attributes such as love, respect, cooperation, and self-denial.
- Good comprehension of each partnerís psychology and mood in order to deal with him accordingly in the best possible way. Additionally, the ability to demonstrate flexibility in situations that require it, is key.
- Role of the state in providing and creating work opportunities for citizens to protect them against abject poverty, and protect families from being subject to any causes of breaks up, as well as providing the due guidelines and instructions represented in the following:
- Spreading the awareness of the significance of the family in building the society, and the know-how to regularize family affairs with respect to economic considerations, and running the other affairs of life properly.
- Teaching parents the legal principles pertaining to the rights and duties such as: - the importance of raising their children in line with morals and religious values, dependent on good deeds and social norms, avoidance of bad habits such as alcohol and drug use, and the enhancement of their awareness of health education and nutrition as well.
- Search for comfort means when your life goes through boring or difficult phases, regardless of what the reasons are. Try to best avoid friction during times of conflict and extend concessions to your partner. The importance of the family is such that we must preserve it from breakups and disintegration; let our children be brought up in a good and suitable way that enables them to be effective and productive citizens.
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